When an affair is discovered by an innocent spouse it is very common for that person to exclaim that it “came completely out of the blue”. This may or may not be the case however as there are usually signs that point to the fact that a partner may be cheating even though these signs may be quite subtle. Throughout life, opportunities for an affair often present themselves – in most cases these opportunities will be resisted. Affairs that do happen are normally as the result of problems in a relationship that are not being resolved.

Here are the six most common reasons for a person indulging in an extramarital affair outside marriage:

1. Protest
There are many people who consider that they are within their rights to have an affair particularly if there is no intimacy at home because they and their spouse are continually arguing over matters. These people will often seek understanding and peace in the arms of another person as compensation for the problems they are facing in their marriage.

2. Insecurity
There may be many reasons for this. For example:

A man may very well feel disenfranchised when his pregnant wife focuses entirely on the impending birth of their child and excludes him from any form of intimacy.
Many women get wrapped up in their children’s lives and tend to neglect the intimate side of a spousal relationship.
A man will often concentrate on his job and ignore his wife and family. She may then seek the attention of someone else to provide her with the companionship that is missing in her marital relationship.
Either party may begin to feel vulnerable about their age and their sexual attractiveness with advancing years.

3. Sex & Love
When one of the spouses has waning or no interest in a sexual relationship with their spouse but the partner’s sexual feelings are still intense an extramarital affair is often thought to be the answer to sexual satisfaction.

A person may still need the same sort of love that they first had at the beginning of their relationship. This is of course unrealistic because the total sexual and emotional “in love” feeling that both partners had for each other is a short lived thing – many people don’t appreciate this and crave for what was in the early stages of their relationship. When that rush of sexually charged love goes, a person may think that something is wrong with their marriage and look for fulfillment elsewhere.

In many of these situations a straying husband/wife will convince themselves that they have only indulged in an illicit relationship because of what is often called the “fun” that is lacking in their marital relationship.

4. The One Night Stand
More often than not this type of affair goes nowhere as it has no real significance to the unfaithful spouse as it is often doesn’t involve romance or love. After the first of such affairs a person may become hooked on this kind of indulgence and it may therefore become the catalyst for many more one night stands. Such affairs, should an innocent spouse find out about them will have a devastating effect on them nonetheless.

5. Growing Apart
With the passing of time, couples interests and opinions on various matters often go in different directions. Sometimes these differences mean that there is no longer any common ground the result of which may be that couples are not in a position to give each other what they need.

6. Breakdown of a Relationship
When there are irreconcilable differences in a marital relationship it is not uncommon for spouses to seek out someone who is more compatible to ensure that they have companionship when their marriage is dissolved.

Here are a couple of very common reasons why some individuals are “affair prone”, and continue to have extramarital affairs throughout a committed relationship, although they by and large have no intention of breaking it up:

Excitement
The quality of love and intimacy in marriage naturally changes over the years. However there are those people who, although they recognize this, still yearn for the time when such love and intimacy was exciting and explosive. They still love their partner and don’t want their marriage to fail. To satisfy their craving they find excitement in the arms of others, usually in clandestine one night stands.

Fear of Intimacy
Strange as it may seem, there are those who find difficulty in handling full intimacy in a married relationship. Often an involvement outside marriage provides the means of creating a certain amount of distance and privacy. What we have in this situation is basically two part time relationships, neither of which places the guilty spouse in a situation where they are required to have full intimacy in their marriage or in the illicit relationship. This kind of arrangement tends to satisfy the requirement for a degree of detachment from their marital relationship.