All of these books seem well-intentioned, but following their advice could be a bad idea. Here are some of the worst relationship advice books I’ve ever read, and what was so bad about them.
1. Why Men Won’t Commit – Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games by George Weinberg, Ph.D.
This book is written by a man and is heavily slanted towards giving the man what he needs in the relationship.
The general theory of the book is that men don’t commit to women because they are afraid of “losing their masculinity”. On that point, we probably agree. In my opinion, it is a sad day when marriage is considered a “loss of masculinity”. It wasn’t so long ago, marriage was THE right of passage from boyhood to manhood. It was with great honor and pride that men took on the responsibility of a wife and heirs. But it was also the primary means for a man to begin having appropriate sexual relations. Unfortunately, that is no longer true.
The author encourages women to “maximize the early relationship sparks” by having sex “when it feels right” so that a man will feel more like committing to you. He also strongly suggests that your man will resent you for “making him wait too long” for sex. Hogwash!!
Ladies, these are ridiculous and threatening insinuendos meant to intimidate women! This is a book written by a self-admitted commitment-phobe who believes men should be given unlimited free sex without commitment. Skip this book, unless you are needing further proof that there are many men who have an attitude of smug self-entitlement regarding premarital sex.
2. Make Every Man Want You – How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! by Marie Forleo
No, no, no!! And did I say, NO?! This book is filled with terrible and self-contradictory advice. There are a few obvious good tips, such as “don’t be needy and insecure”, but most of of the book, in my opinion, is either psychobabble or downright WRONG!
The first chapter of the book reassures readers that all women are inherently irresistible and perfect just the way we are, if we will simply believe that fact. Then she suggests that we stop kidding ourselves, lose weight, dress sexier and take strip teasing lessons. Ridiculous!
She does not suggest waiting to have sex with a man. She only suggests being honest with yourself about your reasons for sleeping with a man. She also suggests you not have any preconceived notions about men, otherwise you will never have real love. I believe it’s better to have a fundamental understanding of what motivates most men and use that information wisely.
3. He’s Just Not That Into You – The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
A funny and well written book. Plus the overall advice is good… if a guy is not calling you and not asking you out, don’t make excuses for him! He’s just not that into you. Move on!
But then the the book states that if a guy is not having sex with you, he’s not that into you. Surely what the authors meant to say is, “if a guy is not INTERESTED in having sex with you, he’s not that into you.” Unfortunately, the authors seem to forgetthe fact that if you’ve already slept with a guy and he has lost interest in you, it’s probably because he’s already HAD sex with you and he’s moving on to the next easy lay or to find a girl who is marriage material.
Another extremely disturbing tidbit is located at in the frequently asked questions section. The male author states that he believes marriage is just a “relationship tied to a legal document”. In other words, if your husband is not that into you, just move on.
4. If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs by Big Boom
Based upon the title, I thought this book would hit the nail on the head for me, but what a disappointment! It was a poorly written hodge podge of contradictory ramblings. The author calls himself “Boom, the bodyguard for women’s hearts”, a self-proclaimed reformed bad boy who goes on to describe his wilder days of physically abusing, sexually using and otherwise denigrating women. He says he wants women to learn to avoid men like him and stop trying so hard to please men in general. But it comes off a bit more like bragging.
Like many of the other books, it has some redeeming moments, like one on page 147 when he writes, “it’s easier to get money and commitment from a man who you haven’t had sex with than to get it from a man who you had sex with.” But later he gives women conflicting advice by saying that, “it is through good sex that a man starts to open his heart, allowing him to experience feelings that help him determine if the woman has more substance and staying power.”
But the worst thing about the book is it’s blunt sexism. Here are a few of my favorites:
If a woman has sex with a man the first night, she should “try not to wake up in the morning looking crazy. It’s too early in the morning and in the relationship for him to see you looking a mess.”
Regarding child support, he advices women to “stop trying to be greedy” and to leave it to God to provide for her and her children.
Here is a delicately worded tidbit regarding women’s footwear. He says, “she usually has no idea how bad her butt looks after taking her shoes off. Her butt drops and is not up in the air anymore. Now the man is looking at the woman thinking, ‘What happened to the butt.'” Ugh!
Find out which relationship books are highly recommended at my website.