Relationship SOP

Signs to End a Relationship

Who doesn’t want to meet their perfect mate and they live in eternal bliss. But sadly, most people would rather stay in a bad relationship because it is familiar rather than be single.

Here are some signs to end a relationship:

Signs To End a Relationship #1. You catch your partner lying. If someone cannot even respect you enough as a person to be honest and communicate with you, all is at a loss.

Signs To End a Relationship #2. Feeling the need to walk on eggshells. It sucks feeling like your partner is just waiting to criticize you on the slighest little personal things about you. Even if you apologize for upsetting your partner, they just can’t seem to let things go. That is absolutely crazy. You deserve better than that.

Signs To End a Relationship #3. Your partner purposely says hurtful or insulting things to you then almost immediately apologizes. No apology is almost better than an insincere one. Part of saying sorry is making an effort to try and not repeat the thing you are sorry for.

Signs To End a Relationship #4. Absolutely any form of abuse. It does not matter if this is emotional or physical, it is a sign you need to get out of your relationship as soon as possible. It’s as simple as that.If you are looking for signs to end a relationship, that would be it.

Signs To End a Relationship #5. They begin talking about themselves endlessly while ignoring you altogether. This is followed by a false sense of entitlement, double standards, a materialistic attitude, and vanity.

It will only get worse as time passes. When they have finally gotten bored with you, you will just be tossed to the side.

Save yourself the trouble.

Signs To End a Relationship #6. Here is another of many signs to end a relationship- everyone is telling you the relationship is a mistake, but you continue to make excuses for your partner’s lousy behavior. This can be tricky though.

You may come from a dysfunctional family or have friends who are jealous. But more often than not, this is not the case.

Love can truly make one blind, so it is helpful to have others who have a more objective eye about your situation.

Signs To End a Relationship #7. You have tried to breakup, but the person totally flips out. This usually is followed by a promise of change. But they will do just enough to convience you of their change for a short time. People who do this are controlling manipulators. They are only trying to appeal to your sympathies. This is beyond painful. It is insanity.

Signs To End a Relationship #8. You find yourself living in the past when it comes to your relationship. You ignore the current circumstances and remember the -good old times- , hoping it will be like that again..

This is another misconception. At the beginning of a relationship, everyone is on their -best behavior-. It is only with time and hardships that you will discover who you are really dealing with.

So, you have gotten clued into the signs to end a relationship that is failing and are ready to leave.

The first thing you need to do is cut off all ties and communication from them. No emails, calls, text messages, Facebook messages. Especially, no trying to see them in person anywhere.

The choice is completely yours, but you can not play both sides no matter how much you may want to. You must take a stand and stay firm.

Here are some things to remember once you recognize the signs to end a relationship and see that it is time to go.

1. Remember this is for your own good. Stop feeling guilty about the relationship not working. It takes two to make it work. Both people have to want it.

2. Do not believe their continued promises of change. If you have not been successful the 1st 15 times, the 16th is not really going to be better. One of the signs to end a relationship addresses this very thing. Stop living in the dream world.

3. Unless both people mutually want it to end, trying to be friends after the breakup will most likely not work. It is too easy for someone to get caught up in old emotions.

4. You can not -fix- this person.Women are especially bad at holding on to this belief. No one has power over anyone except themselves.

Knowing the signs to end a relationship that is unhealthy is important to not only your emotional and mental well-being, but your physical well-being. The stress of a bad romance ruins everything . If you can’t avoid it, make sure to book out of there like the speed of lightning.

Despite all that we feel when we are in love, romantic love is irrational at the core. It’s a work of our brain chemistry, and not entered into by rational decision making. Romantic love is a mating drive. The intense liking, attachment and obsession we feel under the effect of romantic love is Nature’s way to ensure that the couple stays together in order for the resultant offspring to have better survival chances. It’s a part of the mating process. This is a basic understanding of romantic love, in brief.

There are two interrelated things that happen in our brain which trigger romantic feelings for a particular person. 1) When you have intimate fantasies about the person of the opposite sex, and 2) keep the person in your mind for a sufficiently long time, your brain gets a signal to create the feelings for that person. And since there’s no rational analysis necessary to fall into intense romantic love, it can happen for anyone who fulfills these two criteria. Who you choose, out of all, to have intimate fantasies about, and on what criteria, is a mystery for the science, though. But once your biology gets you attracted to someone of the opposite sex, the two criteria I mentioned have to be met before you fall into a deep romantic love. Having intimate fantasies and keeping the person in the mind for sufficiently long time are, though usually interrelated, can happen exclusive of each other too; and even then they can trigger romantic love feelings.

Why long distance relationships don’t work?

The key to romantic love is the two criteria I mentioned above. 1) Having intimate fantasies about the person, and 2) keeping the person in your mind for sufficiently long time. Also, when you are having intimate fantasies about more than one person, the one who you give more space in your mind, will likely qualify for your romantic love feelings.

Once in a relationship, these two criteria have to be constantly fulfilled. This is where “long distance” makes it almost impossible for a relationship to sustain itself.

When you are living with your partner, you see him/her everyday. You both talk everyday. So whenever you have anything to share you always have your partner to share it with. There’s no need to think of someone else, more than you think of your partner. Besides, when you are seeing your partner everyday, in person, he/she gets deeper place in your mind. Every day when you see your partner in intimacy, the chemicals in the brain intensify the feelings. This way, the feelings don’t get a chance to diminish beyond a point.

You see, that’s the reason why in traditional wisdom of many cultures having friendships with the people of the opposite sex, outside of marriage, is not considered morally good. There’s a science behind it.

Note that I am not implying that every relationship in which the partners live together will last. Of course, it depends on maturity and understanding and all that. But here we are talking about a long distance relationship vis–vis a normal one, so I am mentioning the pluses of a normal healthy relationship, which a long distance one, even with best intentions on part of the partners, lacks.

Long distance relationship suffers from the following minuses –

In a long distance relationship there are two groups of factors responsible for ending romantic love.

Weakening factors

These are the factors that are responsible for weakening the image of your partner in your brain.

It is simple to understand. When you don’t see each other, it would naturally weaken the image of your partner in your brain, with time.

Even though you may talk to each other everyday (yes, let’s assume everyday) and share thoughts, you can’t share each other’s thoughts and feelings to an extent you would do if you were living together. This also has a gradual impact on weakening the bond; because the bond is all about sharing of personal space.

Since you don’t meet each other and spend intimate time the way you would if you lived together, you would miss out on the periodic boosts to your feelings for each other, which happens when partners spend great time with each other.

Not all romantic relationships are based on sharing of thoughts and interests. Quite a few of them are dependent on sexual intimacy between the partners; though, of course, the partners under the effect of romantic love would never realize it. If so is yours, then once the “long distance” takes it away, there’s already little substance left which can hold the relationship for long.

Diverting factors

These are the factors which play a role in diverting your feelings to someone else.

When you are living away from your partner, you will look for other people to share your thoughts with; for a simple reason that you are a human being who needs expression of his/her thoughts. And the one we share our thoughts with, naturally occupies a space in our mind.

In your circle you will talk to other people of the opposite sex, of course. Sexual instinct in us is always active, whether we are aware of it or not. So it is unlikely that you will not like mingling with the people of the opposite sex, when you are away from your partner. And while we are talking about only “mingling”, most people don’t see harm in it as long as they don’t make a sexual move.

But here’s the catch: Most people are not aware that even “mingling” can prove to be fatal. If you came across someone who you find even slightly interesting, your mind will give space to that person in it. It may not involve sexual fantasy, but that’s still enough. In normal circumstances, it probably wouldn’t have mattered; but in a long distance situation, due to the group-one factors I mentioned above, the image of your partner is already weakening; that makes it easier for this person to outlast the time your partner occupies in your mind. Once that happened, bam!

Most people don’t even see any harm in having sexual fantasies. People have sexual fantasies about other people even while having sex with their partner. So, if you consider it harmless and do it, there are huge chances that this new person of your fantasy will take over your feelings entirely, before you know it.

If you perfectly understand the romantic love mechanism, you would know that all it takes for your brain to create romantic feelings for some person is that you keep the person in your mind more than anyone else, and/or have intimate fantasies about the person. When even one of these criteria is met, the chances are very high that your brain will create/divert your feeling in favor of the person fulfilling the criteria. Your brain chemicals won’t know that you are already in a relationship!

Even the people with strong character and best intentions are subject to these mostly inevitable perils of a long distance situation.

It may sound silly, but it’s not. Try going long distance for a couple of years and you will understand it. Even with best intentions, all these things happen, and that puts an end to romantic feelings. Determination doesn’t work as well as we like to believe it would. Simply because romantic feelings don’t come and go with reason; it often happens without us even noticing it.

Understanding, respect and adulation are important aspects of a successful relationship. If you are unable to connect physically as well as emotionally with your love interest, then sooner or later you will have to look towards doing a lot of compromises. Hence, one must try and know his/her partner in entirety before committing.

Establish Goals

Both the partners should try and lay out specific goals for each other. It can range from simple things such as helping our love in some task or difficult things such as standing by each other when the relatives or friends of one of them are facing tough times. Such simple things tend to make a lot of difference in the long run. Spend some time all by yourself each and every day and seek the fulfillment of newer goals for the purpose of improving the relationship further. Amongst all these goals, there is one advice relationship counselors most commonly give. Make it a point to express your love towards your love more often and do it consciously.

Take Ownership

Every relationship has to pass through good and bad times. It is no one else but only you who has the control to change situations. One should understand that he/she is entirely responsible for where his/her relationship is heading. You should be absolutely clear with what you want out of the relationship and all your actions should be totally consistent with your expectations. One should also understand that no one is perfect and hence, each others shortcomings should be negated by the strength and faith of the relationship.

Stand By Each Other

This is one of the most important advice relationship counselors provide to their clients. Whether a relationship succeeds or not, entirely depends upon whether it is able to fulfill the needs and requirements of both the persons involved. This can only occur through frequent and good communication each and every day as it will help in understanding the dynamics of each other.

Become Good Friends

You should develop a strong bond of friendship with your mate. It usually happens that people tend to move away from the holiness of friendship on account of the burden of the expectations in a relationship. Cracking jokes and sharing silly things about each other should be taken as a relationship building activity. Such activities are very common between friends but somehow individuals in a relationship forget to apply the same openness when it comes to them.

Arrange Surprises

Surprises are a very sweet way of expressing your love to each other and adding a tinge of romance to your relationship every now and then. Some simple surprises that one can look forward to are preparing favorite cuisine, complimenting just like that, gifting flowers and cards and so on. Such unexpected gestures make you to be perceived as a spontaneous person rather than a predictable one which definitely helps in spicing up the relationship.

A simple advice relationship counselors usually give is related to the fact that men and women are inherently different. One is more expressive and other is more less, both having different needs and expectations from their partner. For the relationship to succeed in the long term, both of them should invest a lot of time in knowing about each other so that the compatibility is adequately measured up leading to a strong, beautiful and loved relationship.

If your significant other has started pulling away from, has become distant, stopped having sex with you, or has outright informed you they want to break up, you’re not as bad off as you think you are.

Couples fight, break up and get then get back together all the time.

If you’re in a position where your partner wants to break up, but you want to stay together, then the following relationship saving tips below, might just get you back in the saddle again.

Tips For Stopping Your Break Up or Lover’s Rejection:

1. If you were too clingy in your relationship, back off. Leave them alone, completely. Let them have their space, or the freedom they think they’ve been missing. They’ll soon become real curious as to why you backed off altogether, and will be drawn back to you to find out why. When they do call, or come back around, play it cool and agree with their position of wanting space. Acknowledge that you were too possessive and that you’ve realized that acting in such a manner was not only unhealthy to the relationship, but it was becoming unhealthy to you as well. When they begin to think you’re the one pulling away, watch how they magically want you back in their life again.

2. If you didn’t show enough emotion or caring in your relationship, do something surprising. Send them a genuinely touching message with some flowers, or in a card. The trick here is to be ‘genuine’. If they smell insincerity at all, your efforts will be wasted. Don’t make it too mushy or too long. Acknowledge that you realize how insensitive you were and reassure them that they are the most amazing person to ever step into your life. Once you send that message out, back off. Don’t call, don’t send another message, don’t stalk. Your partner will be curious why you disappeared and they’ll come calling for you soon enough.

3. If you were lazy in your relationship, you better figure that out and become un-lazy somehow. No one likes, or wants a lazy, unmotivated slob for a partner. If you’ve become overweight, unkept (appearance wise), don’t work, don’t help out in any capacity, or you were even lazy in the bedroom, be surprised they didn’t leave you before now. It’s in your best interest to get some straighten up in your life. The next time your partner calls, you better be doing something active and worthwhile. You need to shock them with whatever you’re doing now. You have to come across as different in their eyes, or else they’ll continue to see you as that lazy, unfortunate person they’ve come to despise and they’ll keep moving further away from you.

4. If you were too much of a go-getter in your relationship, take it down a notch when it comes to your partner. You may have pushed them too hard, too many times. Ease up on your partner, not everybody has a high level of drive and determination. The next time they call and want to know what you’re doing, make sure that you’re engaged in something low key, something you wouldn’t normally be thought of doing. Like tip #3, you need to shock partner so they get curious as to why you’re acting so differently now that they aren’t around. When they inquire as to why you’re doing what you’re doing, inform them that you realized what a pain in the rear you’ve been and you thought it was time to take it down a notch. They’ll become curious and you’ll see them come around again.

5. Sex. If you weren’t having too much of it, or you were trying to have too much of it, this is something else you better figure out. Sex is a huge part in every relationship, but sex is on a different level for each individual. If you were the one who didn’t want to have sex because you were never in the mood, you better go see a doctor and find out why. If you were trying to have sex all the time, understand that your partner may not be as motivated to have sex with you all the time, so it’s best you find out why. There are many reason why a partner doesn’t want to have sex and those reasons don’t always have to do with you. Become more understanding of your partners needs. If you want them back and want to keep them, pressuring is the last thing you want to do to them, especially with something as sensitive as sex. The next time you two get together, do the opposite of whatever you used to do. If you never wanted to have sex, you better get in the mood real fast and throw yourself erotically on to them. If you were too pushy in the past, don’t even bring it up. Let sex come naturally. If you genuinely love your partner, then you’ll feel compassionate about their feelings and act accordingly.

If you are in the early stages of a break up, let’s say, the past few days, even a week; then the following are a few tips that you must follow exactly, or else you’re dead in the water:

1. Stop communication. If you keep calling, texting, sending notes, contacting their friends and family, then you’re not giving them a chance to miss you. I realize it’s difficult and you feel like you’re going to die without them, but whatever you do, don’t contact them directly, or indirectly anymore until they initiate the contact with you. When they don’t hear from you anymore, they’re going to become real curious as to why.

2. Keep communication brief. When your partner does call again, keep the contact short. Don’t speak with them more than 10 minutes and then casually remove yourself to take another call, or because you simply have to go. You never want to come across as needy and insecure, so always appear to have something else going on. Don’t act, or come across as arrogant, angry or insecure. These displays of emotions are a turn off and will guarantee that your partner won’t call again for a long while.

3. Take time out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to responsibly understand why your partner wants to break up. What did you say or do that made them want to jump ship right now? How have you been acting over the course of the relationship, that might answer why they chose to leave. Once you can reasonably understand the main motive for the detachment, then you can construct a game plan to adjust your position and start implementing a new life strategy, that will be more appealing to your partner.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The last thing that is going to help you, is acting like a depressed little cry baby. Not to mention, if your partner got wind that you were laying around pouting over the break up, that will only empower them. Use this time to be free to do what you want. Believe me, I know depression, it makes you feel like death is the only way to feel better. However, depression won’t get your partner back. Only a healthy confident ‘you’, has the power to attract your lover back in to your life.

The only true test to know if your partner will come back to you, is time.

Let your significant other have as much time as they need without contacting them, smothering them or pressuring them.

The two worst things you can ever do to a lover, is pressuring them and stressing them out. No pressure. No stress. Live by those two things alone and you’ve mastered half of the relationship game.

Coping with a break up is not easy at all. Even if you were not serious with your past relationships it still has a negative effect on you. We all have our own way in dealing with our heartaches. Some people cry it out loud, others find comfort in food and there are some who try to find a new love. The latter is probably the best way to cope up with a break up and many are trying their luck through internet relationships.

Internet relationships as the name implies is finding or building a connection with someone online or through internet. With the social networks getting more and more popular, it is now easy to connect with other people. Fixing your broken heart through internet relationship does not always mean you should fall in love. Sometimes it just helps ease out the pain to talk to someone who is a complete stranger. Who knows, that stranger might be your future partner as well.

It is interesting how internet relationships had helped a lot of broken hearted people get through their lives. However, if it has its advantages, it also has its disadvantages. Below are two disadvantages of internet relationships.

Long Distance

One disadvantage of finding love online is long distance relationship. Many people find it hard to stay in a relationship when they are away from their partners. It is in fact one of the main reasons why most people break up. If you or your partner is not strong enough you might end up with a broken heart again.

No Quality Time

Since you only talk online and probably see each other only through webcam you will never enjoy the benefits of spending quality time together. Even though you chat almost everyday, it still feels better to be near each other and be able to cuddle up.

Having said the 2 common disadvantages of internet relationship it is still up to you and your partner on how you will make it work. Bear in mind that there are many couples who managed to keep the fire burning even though they only knew each other online. It is just a matter of trust. Besides, who would want to experience heartache and start from scratch again?