Relationship SOP

When a relationship starts everything is new and fantastic, but much to our regret in most cases the relationship becomes routine unless we take steps to prevent it, we run the risk being involved in a vicious circle of apathy and boredom.

It seems ironic, but it is a reality that most couples break up for lack of creativity and imagination, lack of love and affinity.

We give some simple tips that can be effective to prevent boredom and routine in a relationship:

First, we must know that be bored and love are irreconcilable terms, so it is important to be aware of the problem and find solutions, for example, make weekend plans or leave a day a week the children with grandparents and so recover the joy and intimacy in couples.

As a second step, and perhaps the most basic, it is noted the importance of trust, if we get bored in our relationship we should be able to communicate.

The communication promotes a relaxation routine and restored enthusiasm.

Third, overcome boredom is not fun at all costs, but the ability to vary your routine based on the personal satisfaction of each partner.

Therefore, to overcome boredom in the couple the best advice is try to change reality, so that although we are engaged in a routine, sometimes forced and compelled, we are able to enjoy a positive living and full of activity.

Some people, after a couple of months or years of being together, tend to get bored with the relationship. This is a very crucial step in a because it is one of the most common beak up reason. Boredom.

What if your partner loses interest in you? How do you save your relationship from being eaten away by dullness? Here are some tips:

1.Give your partner some space. A change of atmosphere, environment, or company would help a lot. Go on a vacation alone or visit your parents. Let your partner hang out with his/her friends. Giving your partner a space would make him/her re-realize your worth. While doing that, take the opportunity to give yourself a break. Go out. Shop. So that when you get back to each other, you both feel refreshed and happy.
2.Have a makeover. Maybe your partner is getting bored with how you look. He/She must have loved you for what you are, but changing looks adds more excitement to the relationship. It is one of those surprises that would certainly catch him/her off guard and notice you once again.
3.Do not nag. Do not ask where your partner is going after work or what he/she is doing. Do not call up just to check on your partner. Nothing is more irritating than having somebody track your every move. This shows that you do not trust your partner. Trust is one of the main ingredients to a lasting relationship. Without it, any relationship wont work.
4.Try new things. New dishes, new house design, new activities. Novelty adds spice to a boring relationship. You can get new ideas from magazines, forums, chat lines and articles. Try something new every other day or once every week. This would keep your partner guessing what you would be up to next time.
5.Be sensitive. Talk with him. You partner might have some problems but you just do not realize it. Communication is important in a relationship because it opens doors for analysis, improvement and understanding. Let him/her know that you are always ready to listen and help them in any way.
6.Always smile. Nothing brightens up the day than a simple smile. Smile is contagious. Even if your partner feels gloomy, he/she will lighten up when you smile.
7.Show your partner how much you love him/her. You do not have to go to the extent of buying special gifts or giving expensive vacation treats. You can show your love in little ways. Give your partner a back rub after work. Or offer to wash his/her car. Cook his/her favorite food. Scrub his/her back. These little things show that you still care.

If all these fail, then maybe you are not really meant for each other. Keeping a relationship strong takes effort and strategy. You need to have your relationship planned out if you want it work. You should know what to do if a certain instance happens or a problem occurs. But the effort must come from both sides. It just aint worth it if you’re the only one saving the boat. In that case, let go. It means that he/she’s already lost interest. Try again, and make sure it works this time.

Put this in your thoughts, decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved. Both parties must decide that they want to try to make it work. If one of the partners has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little hope that it can be done.

Staying in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. Is now the right thing to do. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by all parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem in the relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. Which is not always true.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can always save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, start an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together one day in the week. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.

Most of us would never think that the end of a relationship could cause the same kind of emotional pain as a death, but the two are very similar in the ways it takes to get through them. There are distinct emotional levels of a relationship breakup. They don’t always happen in the same order, and you can often move on to the next level and the next day find yourself back at the level you were before. It’s a very up and down time emotionally. Learning what the levels are and that they are normal can help you deal with this rough time in your life a little easier.

Here are the Levels:

1.) Pain. When you are confronted with the situation that this person who you have shared so much of your life, and yourself, with doesn’t want you anymore it can cause unbelievable pain and heartache. This pain will go up and down during the whole break up. Some days will be worse than others. One important thing to remember that this is completely normal but you will get through it and the pain will easier to deal with as time goes by. It may seem hard now but it will get better.

2.) Denial. Most of us just can’t really believe that someone who they’ve shared so much with really doesn’t want us anymore. It’s very hard to hold on to the idea that this person could walk away from such a good bond. You tell yourself that they are just going through a stage and that they will get back on track soon. The truth is they may, or they may not.

You really don’t know how long they have been thinking about ending the relationship. They may have already worked through their levels of the break up before they even said a word to you about breaking up and ending the relationship.

3.) Anger. When you have gotten over the initial shock and you realize that this is really going to happen you will more than likely get mad, very mad. You may say something like, how dare they treat me like this after everything I’ve done for them. They will never find anyone as good as me. These are common thoughts when going through this level of the break up. You’re mad at them, at yourself, and if there was someone else involved in the breakup you’re really mad at them too. This anger is a way to help you get the closure you need so that you can move forward and get on with your life.

Many times this can be the most dangerous level of all. This is the level where people will do, or say, crazy things that they will be sorry for later. This is the level where you have to be very careful to not let your anger get in the way of your good judgment. Also guard against your anger turning into bitterness, if you get bitter you will have a hard time ever finding happiness again. I know it is easier said than done but you have to let it go.

4.) Grief. You will grieve for the loss of the love and friendship you once shared with your ex. This is the same as the grief you would have if someone close to you has died. Again, this is a totally normal level in the break up process.

5.) Acceptance. Now finally, you can move on. You are finally to the point where you actually believe that you can be happy again. You realize that no matter what happened in the break up you are a good person who is more than capable of giving and receiving love and you are ready to start looking to do just that.

The emotional levels of a relationship breakup are inevitable. We all go through them. There is no set time limit, or order, but just remember that all of these feelings are totally normal and that going through the stages is actually helping you cleanse yourself of this emotional baggage so you can find love again with or without your ex.

If you have just broken up with your ex you are likely feeling very emotional, heart broken and possibly even depressed. If you spend your every waking hour thinking about your ex, what went wrong with the relationship and possibly how to get back with your ex, you will be stopping yourself from moving on and even eventually making yourself clinically depressed.

What you are feeling is natural, a relationship break up is hard and things will be tough for you for a while. How long this pain lasts will depend on the strategies you put in place to cope with the break up.

Tips for curing relationship break up depression:

1.Accept the break up.
If you are still chasing your ex and asking why the relationship ended or even pleading to get back together with your ex, then stop. Acceptance is the first step to giving yourself space to move forward and coping with the break up. Simply agreeing with the relationship break up is a positive move.

2.Look after yourself.
Make the effort to look your best and well groomed. It is easy to stop caring and think “what is the point?” Especially on days you do not want to get out of bed and face the world, put that effort in. If you look good you will feel good about yourself and it improves your confidence.

3.Go out.
Socialize, network, and party! Do not stop living. Use this freedom to catch up with old friends and make new ones. Cutting yourself off from civilization results in feeling lonely and unwanted. Remember you are an individual, not just a half of a relationship partnership.

4.Learn something new.
Use your extra time to improve your skills. Whether it is something you have always wanted to learn or brushing up on an old skill, new knowledge and learning improves your self worth. Look out for short courses that your local college or library may have, combine learning with meeting new people.

5.Smile
Put on that happy face! A simple thing like smiling improves how you feel and how others feel about you. No one wants to be around a grumpy or depressed person for too long.

6.Don’t be hard on yourself.
When you tell yourself you are wrong, worthless, no good etc on a regular basis, you end up believing it and it can lead to clinical depression. Like thinking positively, constant negative thinking programs your sub-conscience. You are what you believe! Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.

7.Help someone else.
Whether it is volunteering at the nearest animal shelter, or helping an elderly neighbor, do something for someone else. Helping others improves our own self-worth. The emotional rewards when we give our time unconditionally are worth the effort.

There is no easy cure for a broken heart but not constantly thinking of the break up or how to get back with your ex can have positive results. This time away allows you to re-evaluate what you want from a relationship. It also gives your ex time to miss you and could be your first steps to getting back together with your ex.