Relationship SOP

All of these books seem well-intentioned, but following their advice could be a bad idea. Here are some of the worst relationship advice books I’ve ever read, and what was so bad about them.

1. Why Men Won’t Commit – Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games by George Weinberg, Ph.D.

This book is written by a man and is heavily slanted towards giving the man what he needs in the relationship.

The general theory of the book is that men don’t commit to women because they are afraid of “losing their masculinity”. On that point, we probably agree. In my opinion, it is a sad day when marriage is considered a “loss of masculinity”. It wasn’t so long ago, marriage was THE right of passage from boyhood to manhood. It was with great honor and pride that men took on the responsibility of a wife and heirs. But it was also the primary means for a man to begin having appropriate sexual relations. Unfortunately, that is no longer true.

The author encourages women to “maximize the early relationship sparks” by having sex “when it feels right” so that a man will feel more like committing to you. He also strongly suggests that your man will resent you for “making him wait too long” for sex. Hogwash!!

Ladies, these are ridiculous and threatening insinuendos meant to intimidate women! This is a book written by a self-admitted commitment-phobe who believes men should be given unlimited free sex without commitment. Skip this book, unless you are needing further proof that there are many men who have an attitude of smug self-entitlement regarding premarital sex.

2. Make Every Man Want You – How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! by Marie Forleo

No, no, no!! And did I say, NO?! This book is filled with terrible and self-contradictory advice. There are a few obvious good tips, such as “don’t be needy and insecure”, but most of of the book, in my opinion, is either psychobabble or downright WRONG!

The first chapter of the book reassures readers that all women are inherently irresistible and perfect just the way we are, if we will simply believe that fact. Then she suggests that we stop kidding ourselves, lose weight, dress sexier and take strip teasing lessons. Ridiculous!

She does not suggest waiting to have sex with a man. She only suggests being honest with yourself about your reasons for sleeping with a man. She also suggests you not have any preconceived notions about men, otherwise you will never have real love. I believe it’s better to have a fundamental understanding of what motivates most men and use that information wisely.

3. He’s Just Not That Into You – The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

A funny and well written book. Plus the overall advice is good… if a guy is not calling you and not asking you out, don’t make excuses for him! He’s just not that into you. Move on!

But then the the book states that if a guy is not having sex with you, he’s not that into you. Surely what the authors meant to say is, “if a guy is not INTERESTED in having sex with you, he’s not that into you.” Unfortunately, the authors seem to forgetthe fact that if you’ve already slept with a guy and he has lost interest in you, it’s probably because he’s already HAD sex with you and he’s moving on to the next easy lay or to find a girl who is marriage material.

Another extremely disturbing tidbit is located at in the frequently asked questions section. The male author states that he believes marriage is just a “relationship tied to a legal document”. In other words, if your husband is not that into you, just move on.

4. If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs by Big Boom

Based upon the title, I thought this book would hit the nail on the head for me, but what a disappointment! It was a poorly written hodge podge of contradictory ramblings. The author calls himself “Boom, the bodyguard for women’s hearts”, a self-proclaimed reformed bad boy who goes on to describe his wilder days of physically abusing, sexually using and otherwise denigrating women. He says he wants women to learn to avoid men like him and stop trying so hard to please men in general. But it comes off a bit more like bragging.

Like many of the other books, it has some redeeming moments, like one on page 147 when he writes, “it’s easier to get money and commitment from a man who you haven’t had sex with than to get it from a man who you had sex with.” But later he gives women conflicting advice by saying that, “it is through good sex that a man starts to open his heart, allowing him to experience feelings that help him determine if the woman has more substance and staying power.”

But the worst thing about the book is it’s blunt sexism. Here are a few of my favorites:

If a woman has sex with a man the first night, she should “try not to wake up in the morning looking crazy. It’s too early in the morning and in the relationship for him to see you looking a mess.”

Regarding child support, he advices women to “stop trying to be greedy” and to leave it to God to provide for her and her children.

Here is a delicately worded tidbit regarding women’s footwear. He says, “she usually has no idea how bad her butt looks after taking her shoes off. Her butt drops and is not up in the air anymore. Now the man is looking at the woman thinking, ‘What happened to the butt.'” Ugh!

Find out which relationship books are highly recommended at my website.

If you have been that “all good boy” in school and in college, trust me you are not going to win in any game let alone the game of seduction. The reason why most women are attracted towards bad boys is for one single feeling. It’s their maternal instinct that takes over them. The need to tend, care and caress someone who looks or is completely lost. They wish to do more to please this “bad boy” just to make him feel that he is not alone in this world.

If by nature you do not have what it takes to be the bad boy types, then here are some bad-boy seduction tactics that would help you with any woman you choose.

Tactic #1

Your very first bad boy seduction tactic is to look sorrowful. When I say look sorrowful don’t overdo it by having a long face like that of a monkey that had just eaten a ginger and is not too happy about the taste. By sorrowful I mean you have to look morose, moody, and thoughtful and at the same time very deep and mysterious. This would make any woman inquisitive as to what it is in life that has made you so. Remember the ultimate goal of instigating her maternal instincts. A cheerful disposition would be fine if you’re loaded with dough or strikingly handsome.

Tactic #2

Dress and act like a bad boy. When you dress choose really dark shades and maybe with a slight touch of goth to it. Don’t overdo it. Let your dressing sense make a statement when you are trying to seduce women with your bad boy tactics. Dress in dark shades and maintain a good personal hygiene. You want to attract women with a bad boy look not repulse them and let them head south with a homeless-guy look.

Tactic #3

Be careless. On dressing and acting so very mysterious also ensure that you portray an idea that you do not care for much in this world. Just stay careless or more disinterested with what is going on about you. Any woman who likes this mysterious side in you would definitely try to get your attention. When she does that pay a little bit of attention and don’t go hand on foot to wait on her. Let her come to you.

Having followed these three bad boy tactics you sure are to be the best player in the game of seduction. Happy hunting and play safe.

Have you ever had to face a dilemma between caring for someone versus caring for your relationship with him or her? I believe that if you haven’t, will surely to have to confront this problem at some point in your leadership journey. The leadership lesson of caring for your subordinates as opposed to caring for your relationship with them will be discussed here with the intention to gear you up in preparation for the day you have to make this decision.

Allow me to recount my first encounter with this dilemma. It was right at the beginning of my leadership journey, where I first was first entrusted with a team in the security line. My immediate predecessor who filled this position, Bennett, was rather mild in character and chose to play the ‘nice guy’. As he cared tremendously about the close relationship he had with his team, Bennett refused to make tough calls that will dissatisfy the members and potentially jeopardize their relationship. He was blinded by the affection he had with his colleagues, and this resulted in him massively compromising work standards. Bennett was so incapable of action that even when the team members came to him to redress their grievances with other members, he would leave them to solve their own problems as taking action would potentially mean upsetting certain members.

See the problem here? By being a ‘Yes-man’, Bennett effectively compromised the standards of work of his team as he’d rather give in to the team’s requests than hold firm to his set standards. This also eventually led to further repercussions as the team went down a slippery slope of continual declining standards. Bennett also disposed of his authority as the leader when his subordinates decided that he was incapable of action and would not be of help redressing their grievances. Seeking nothing but to protect relationships, Bennett was also unwilling to disagree with his peers and superiors, resulting in several occasions where there were no one to stand up for his subordinates.

So as Bennett’s successor, I was placed in a tough position on whether to continue selling my subordinates out and compromising standards, or stand up for my subordinates but risk hurting our relationship. Naturally, after being used to Bennett’s leadership, or lack of it, my team were watching my directions closely, expecting me to follow Bennett’s footsteps, becoming a friendly but powerless leader. It would be easy for me to continue this legacy and snowball the problems to my successor in time to come, as the team certainly would enjoy another easy going boss with low standards and not blame me for that. What, however, spurred me to make the right decision as opposed to the easy one was my belief that if I truly cared for my subordinates, I would NOT shortchange them of an effective and upright leader, giving them less than they deserve, even if it means having them to dislike me.

As such, I began to make some tough decisions to end unrightful practices, such as biasness towards a minority few members and bullying less outspoken members into taking a larger share of duty. I preached meritocracy and fairness, as opposed to the ‘relationship-solves-all-problems’ mindset. Initially, I was resented for my decision, as many members felt that I was out to make life difficult for everyone. However, as time passed, my sincerity showed as the team began to see how I would not compromise my standards and stood up for every single member of the team, right to the very end.

Moral of the story? Caring for relationships over individuals may make your team like you, but they certainly would not respect you as their leader. A leader who cares for relationship over individuals is, in fact, selfish as he’d rather enjoy the popularity vote than be there for those who need him. In the long run, he’s certain to loose his authority and become powerless as a leader, and when he finally decides that enough is enough, it’d be way too late.

If you ever face such a scenario, bear in mind that your subordinates, who willingly follow your leadership, deserves none but the best from you. May your good judgment bring success to your team always.

TRUST is difficult to earn, but easy to lose. And with out TRUST, relationships come aside quickly.

Belief is the assumption that a companion has your greatest curiosity at heart. And it’s not possible to have a wholesome relationship with out trust.

Trust is a two-manner street. Belief involves telling the truth AND being open to hearing what an accomplice has to say. But, typically the truth might be tough to tell OR hear. When this happens, trust will get broken and should be repaired.

Relationships are essential – doubtless, one of the vital essential issues we have.

On the similar time, relationships are tough, full of problems, and hard to maintain. So, knowing learn how to rebuild belief is a crucial talent to master.

Why is it vital to rebuild belief?

For starters, being able to repair trust is essential to retaining a detailed, wholesome relationship. And close relationships provide many benefits.

Individuals in close, healthy relationships live longer and luxuriate in higher health. This acquire is undoubtedly because of the truth that folks in close relationships have a constructed-in emotional and bodily support system – somebody to care for them and supply consolation in occasions of need. Not solely do people in close relationships stay longer, but they report being happier and extra satisfied with life than people who’ve a troublesome time sustaining a healthy relationship.

Having a close relationship additionally offers many tangible benefits. Sharing sources with another person is a good way to get forward in life. Two individuals working collectively can dwell higher than what either individual might do on their own. When individuals discover someone to share life with both people come out ahead.

Moreover, people in close relationships also receive extra social help – that’s, having someone who’s attentive to their wants and concerns. And having social help creates loads of benefits. Realizing that someone cares, allows people to deal with life’s problems extra effectively. People who feel beloved and supported make higher choices with much less stress and anxiety.

Lastly, having a companion makes life more enjoyable. Having somebody to share life’s little things, like strolling the dog, watching TV, consuming meals is essential; it makes life extra entertaining and enjoyable.

All informed, shut relationships present huge advantages to people who find themselves able to keep wholesome relationships.

That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.

KINDNESS

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

SEXUALITY

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.