June 2019 – Page 2 – Relationship SOP

When He Says He Is Not Ready For A Relationship – What Does He Really Mean

What does a man mean when he says that he is not ready for a relationship?

This one is pretty straightforward. Whenever a man says he is not ready for a relationship or to get into something more serious, then believe him. Take him at his word. If he says that, he is most likely telling the truth and being up front and honest with you about what it is that he really wants from you.

To be clearer, it means two things:

1. He is not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. This is very possible and I have heard guys say that when they were extremely busy with work or studies that they made up their minds not to get involved with anyone for a period of time to focus on whatever goals they were try to achieve. They are not interested in being distracted by the demands of a committed relationship because they have too much on their plates. That’s straight from the horse’s mouth when I did some digging on the issue.

2. He is not ready for a relationship right now with YOU – again straight from the horse’s mouth. For whatever reason, he thinks that the two of you are not compatible. Now this is nothing to get upset or stressed out about. It does NOT mean that there is something wrong with you just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Just like you have your preferences, he has his.

I’m sure that there are guys that you started to date or hang out with and you knew almost right away or after a few dates that they would not be compatible with you for some reason.

Or you are simply not interested enough in them to take the next step with them, whether that is in the form of more dates or in the form of getting into something more serious with them. All of us know outright or subconsciously what we are looking for and when we find what we are looking for in a partner, then that’s it, a relationship is born.

Now you know what he means when he says that he is not ready for a relationship. Another variation of this is that he is not looking for a relationship right now. It’s the same thing.

But the real question that you should now be asking is, now that I know what he means, what am I going to do with that information? What does it mean for YOU?

This is what it means:

1. If you were hoping to pursue something more serious with him, he has told you that that is not what he sees in the future for you two so great, now you know to keep him as a friend or a contact depending on what business he is into. You never know.

This is good because it means that you aren’t going to waste your time expecting more. And no, he is NOT going to change his mind. That’s not the way it works especially if he has told you this up front. Knowledge is power so use that knowledge to your best advantage!

2. You move on as you continue to date other people if you are looking for a relationship. This particular guy has made it clear that he is NOT the guy that you are looking for for something more serious if that is what you want. That is the best thing he could have done for you really in his current state!

You may not think so now but that is the truth.

That means that the man you want to be with and who wants to be with you is still out there. As you continue to live your life, get out, have some fun and meet other people you will eventually meet a guy who you like and are compatible with and who feels this same about YOU! That is how a real relationship, the kind that you want starts!

So don’t worry about the man who says that he is not ready for a relationship with you now. That is not really a huge issue in the grand scheme of things. There are way too many other men out there for you to be focused on what this particular one wants.

What about what YOU want?

Birds And Their Symbiotic Relationships With Animals

Throughout history, certain species of birds have formed strategic partnerships with other animals. And these partnerships have seeming served both of them well. Here are just a few of those pairings.

One of these strange relationships is the one that wild pigs have with robins in Europe. Wild pigs are known for their digging ability. So much so, that many people refer to them as digging machines. And what they are digging for is root foods which they live on. They also feed on grubs and small worms that they find in the soil.

Over the years, the robin has noticed that whenever these wild pigs appear and start to dig up the ground, they are also digging up and exposing worms. As a result, robins have learned to stay close to these pigs as they begin to dig so they can scoop up the worms that appear on the surface.

In a like manner, the Nightjar has an interesting symbiotic relationship with wild cattle and goats in areas where the both live. For the most part, nightjars are birds of the night. Their primary diet consists of moths and beetles. The bird is a great aerial hunter and, even in mid flight, is capable of deftly snatching moths from the air. However, when it is on the ground, it is typically hunting ants and beetles.

During the passing of many hundreds of years, the nightjar has come to notice that when wild cattle and goats are grazing nearby, that their continuous moving around agitates the ground on which they are grazing. And as they do this, all of the activity causes insects to come above ground. So insects such as beetles and moths, are all of a sudden on the surface making them easy pickings for predators. As a result, the nightjar has learned that its often easier to follow the herds and feed off of the insects that they dig up than it is to hunt and scrounge for their own meals.

The oxpecker bird is yet another illustration of birds forming symbiotic relationships. The oxpecker is a close relation to the starling. And within Africa, this bird has a real working partnership with many animals – antelope, buffalo, rhinoceros, and even the giraffe. The relationship has to do with the fact that ticks and lice are very common in this environment.

They are a nuisance to these large animals because their eggs hatch on the animal’s surface and immediately becomes a parasite by gorging on their blood. If an animal gets enough of these on its skin, it can find its strength and staminal slowly being drained away.

Oxpeckers love these parasites because they contain lots of blood which has a ton of nourishments. They comb through the skin and hairs of these large animals and consume all of the ticks and lice that they find. A win/win for everyone.

Trust Is The Foundation Of A Relationship

A relationship needs to be built on trust. Trust doesnt happen over night as you need time to find out who the person really is and not the person who is trying to impress you. Having someone you trust means there is some predictability as you know what your partner is capable of and what they are not. Here are some concrete ways to create trust in your relationship.

1. You will need to build trust in a relationship is to be predictable. This will go in opposition to the common notion that you have to stir stuff up to always keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a different restaurant or offering a surprise gift can be great, but most of all, we require things to be dependable and steady in order to make our relationships work. Take into account that trust in a relationship could be built on being reliable day in and day out.

2. You need to make sure that your language at all times match the message. This suggests that your partner needs to hear the words that match your body language. As long as you say you are happy but you are frowning, your spouse does not hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner must be able to rely on what you are saying. Any time the words match the message, you create trust in a relationship.

3. You need have a fundamental confidence in your partners competency. If you dont you wont have the trust in a relationship that you might want. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never harmful. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

4. Dont keep secrets. More than anything else, secrets destroy trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. You have to assume that everything you know will eventually be found out by your spouse. Secrets need to have enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could quite possibly be going into building the relationship.

5. Dont be afraid to let your spouse know what your needs are. Dont make him or her speculate what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not being selfish. Indeed, if you are afraid to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your spouse.

6. Its important to learn to say no. If ever your spouse voices his or her needs then that is a good step. Its important that you dont have to say yes to everything. Your spouse cannot value you if you hardly ever say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other persons will basically build trust in a relationship.

7. Always pursue improvement. When you plant a flower, you start by digging in the dirt. Unfortunately pain can be caused when digging in the dirt of your relationship. However, preparing the soil and feeling the pain will prepare you for future growth. Dont be fearful of uncertainty, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for advancement and change. Embrace what is difficult.

Anger Management The 5 Relationship Killers

At times, every marriage or significant relationship has times in which anger management would be helpful. Its pretty hard to live with someone and not get angry with them at some point. Interestingly, research has shown that its not the number of fights that couples have which predict if their relationship will last. It’s the attitude that people have towards their partner on an ongoing basis that tells how likely they are to stay together.

Relationship researchers have found several types of anger management personality styles to be particularly destructive to a relationship.

1. Belligerent anger management reactions are challenging or angry in nature. You get the sense that the spouse is looking for a fight and would argue with whatever the other says, regardless of what they say.

WIFE: Here’s an interesting article
HUSBAND: Can’t you see I’m trying to read?

HUSBAND: Do you want to watch TV tonight?
WIFE: So that’s all you think I’m good for, right? Sitting in front of the tube watching mindless TV shows all the time?
HUSBAND: Of course not. What would you like to do? Maybe you’d rather go see a play instead.
WIFE: Oh, like that’s supposed to make me feel better? (Mocking) “Maybe you’d rather go see a play instead.”

2. Contradictory anger management reactions are when a spouse seems intent on starting a debate or argument..

WIFE: Would you like a tangerine?
HUSBAND: That’s not a tangerine. It’s a Satsuma orange.

3. Domineering anger management reactions involve attempts to control the other. The goal is to get the partner to withdraw or submit. S/he may take on a paternal tone.

HUSBAND: Do you know where I’d love to go someday? India!
WIFE: Don’t be ridiculous! You’d hate it there, with all its poverty and overcrowding. Scandinavia- now there’s a place you’d really love!

WIFE: My car’s in the shop. Can you give me a lift?
HUSBAND: I suppose. But only if you’re ready at five P.M. sharp.

4. Critical anger control management are broad attacks on the partner’s character. They’re different from a complaint, which focuses on a particular event or specific behavior. People speak in global terms when being critical, using phrases like “you always” and “you never” Critical anger responses are often loaded with blame or betrayal:

HUSBAND: I’m feeling really tired. I need some time alone this afternoon.
WIFE: That figures. You’re always so lazy and self-centered. All you do is think about yourself.

WIFE: Have you got a minute? I’ve got some questions about how to do this.
HUSBAND: Okay, but make it quick. I can’t afford to hold your hand all the time.

5. Defensive anger management reactions are when one spouse gives up any responsibility for matters at hand. If one spouse is upset about something, the defensive anger responder may act like an innocent victim of misplaced blame.

HUSBAND: What a day I had! I’m exhausted.
WIFE: So you think my day was a picnic? I worked my tail off, too!

WIFE: I’m worried about the bills.
HUSBAND: It wasn’t my idea to buy the new car.

Habitually reacting to your partner without anger management says:

Your need for attention makes me angry.
I don’t respect you.
I don’t value you or this relationship.
I want to hurt you.
I want to drive you away.

One thing I have noticed in my years of practice is that couples often use their partner as a convenient whipping post for things in their life they are not satisfied with. It can become very easy to use the five anger management reactions described here as a way to lay that blame on someone. While they may bring you some satisfaction in the short run, they have been scientifically shown to be very toxic to a relationship and if you use consistently use them your marriage will be very short lived. If you find yourself in this position you may want to consider an anger management course or consider marriage counseling.

For more free info on anger management visit At times, every marriage or significant relationship has times in which anger management would be helpful. Its pretty hard to live with someone and not get angry with them at some point. Interestingly, research has shown that its not the number of fights that couples have which predict if their relationship will last. It’s the attitude that people have towards their partner on an ongoing basis that tells how likely they are to stay together.