Month: January 2019

Have you ever had to face a dilemma between caring for someone versus caring for your relationship with him or her? I believe that if you haven’t, will surely to have to confront this problem at some point in your leadership journey. The leadership lesson of caring for your subordinates as opposed to caring for your relationship with them will be discussed here with the intention to gear you up in preparation for the day you have to make this decision.

Allow me to recount my first encounter with this dilemma. It was right at the beginning of my leadership journey, where I first was first entrusted with a team in the security line. My immediate predecessor who filled this position, Bennett, was rather mild in character and chose to play the ‘nice guy’. As he cared tremendously about the close relationship he had with his team, Bennett refused to make tough calls that will dissatisfy the members and potentially jeopardize their relationship. He was blinded by the affection he had with his colleagues, and this resulted in him massively compromising work standards. Bennett was so incapable of action that even when the team members came to him to redress their grievances with other members, he would leave them to solve their own problems as taking action would potentially mean upsetting certain members.

See the problem here? By being a ‘Yes-man’, Bennett effectively compromised the standards of work of his team as he’d rather give in to the team’s requests than hold firm to his set standards. This also eventually led to further repercussions as the team went down a slippery slope of continual declining standards. Bennett also disposed of his authority as the leader when his subordinates decided that he was incapable of action and would not be of help redressing their grievances. Seeking nothing but to protect relationships, Bennett was also unwilling to disagree with his peers and superiors, resulting in several occasions where there were no one to stand up for his subordinates.

So as Bennett’s successor, I was placed in a tough position on whether to continue selling my subordinates out and compromising standards, or stand up for my subordinates but risk hurting our relationship. Naturally, after being used to Bennett’s leadership, or lack of it, my team were watching my directions closely, expecting me to follow Bennett’s footsteps, becoming a friendly but powerless leader. It would be easy for me to continue this legacy and snowball the problems to my successor in time to come, as the team certainly would enjoy another easy going boss with low standards and not blame me for that. What, however, spurred me to make the right decision as opposed to the easy one was my belief that if I truly cared for my subordinates, I would NOT shortchange them of an effective and upright leader, giving them less than they deserve, even if it means having them to dislike me.

As such, I began to make some tough decisions to end unrightful practices, such as biasness towards a minority few members and bullying less outspoken members into taking a larger share of duty. I preached meritocracy and fairness, as opposed to the ‘relationship-solves-all-problems’ mindset. Initially, I was resented for my decision, as many members felt that I was out to make life difficult for everyone. However, as time passed, my sincerity showed as the team began to see how I would not compromise my standards and stood up for every single member of the team, right to the very end.

Moral of the story? Caring for relationships over individuals may make your team like you, but they certainly would not respect you as their leader. A leader who cares for relationship over individuals is, in fact, selfish as he’d rather enjoy the popularity vote than be there for those who need him. In the long run, he’s certain to loose his authority and become powerless as a leader, and when he finally decides that enough is enough, it’d be way too late.

If you ever face such a scenario, bear in mind that your subordinates, who willingly follow your leadership, deserves none but the best from you. May your good judgment bring success to your team always.

TRUST is difficult to earn, but easy to lose. And with out TRUST, relationships come aside quickly.

Belief is the assumption that a companion has your greatest curiosity at heart. And it’s not possible to have a wholesome relationship with out trust.

Trust is a two-manner street. Belief involves telling the truth AND being open to hearing what an accomplice has to say. But, typically the truth might be tough to tell OR hear. When this happens, trust will get broken and should be repaired.

Relationships are essential – doubtless, one of the vital essential issues we have.

On the similar time, relationships are tough, full of problems, and hard to maintain. So, knowing learn how to rebuild belief is a crucial talent to master.

Why is it vital to rebuild belief?

For starters, being able to repair trust is essential to retaining a detailed, wholesome relationship. And close relationships provide many benefits.

Individuals in close, healthy relationships live longer and luxuriate in higher health. This acquire is undoubtedly because of the truth that folks in close relationships have a constructed-in emotional and bodily support system – somebody to care for them and supply consolation in occasions of need. Not solely do people in close relationships stay longer, but they report being happier and extra satisfied with life than people who’ve a troublesome time sustaining a healthy relationship.

Having a close relationship additionally offers many tangible benefits. Sharing sources with another person is a good way to get forward in life. Two individuals working collectively can dwell higher than what either individual might do on their own. When individuals discover someone to share life with both people come out ahead.

Moreover, people in close relationships also receive extra social help – that’s, having someone who’s attentive to their wants and concerns. And having social help creates loads of benefits. Realizing that someone cares, allows people to deal with life’s problems extra effectively. People who feel beloved and supported make higher choices with much less stress and anxiety.

Lastly, having a companion makes life more enjoyable. Having somebody to share life’s little things, like strolling the dog, watching TV, consuming meals is essential; it makes life extra entertaining and enjoyable.

All informed, shut relationships present huge advantages to people who find themselves able to keep wholesome relationships.

That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.

KINDNESS

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

SEXUALITY

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

Your brain knows it’s time to let go of your relationship, but your heart continues to hang on. The heart remembers the beginning of the relationship when everything was new, exciting and wonderful. Back when both of you gave 110%. Now, for whatever reasons, things have changed and it would be healthier for you and your partner if you just let go of your relationship. How do you get past the indecisive stage and do the deed? First, you must recognize what makes an unhealthy relationship. Once you understand that you’re keeping yourself and your partner in a negative situation, letting go of a relationship will be much easier.

Think back to when your relationship was new. Remember how you couldn’t stand to spend time apart? Has that changed? Think about the quality of time you spend together now. Do you still share those long lingering looks across the room or do you shoot eye daggers at each other instead? Do you both enjoy cuddling on the couch or do you sit in your own chairs on opposite sides of the room? If you constantly choose to spend time alone pursuing your own interests over spending an evening alone with your partner, then your relationship is unhealthy. It might be time to consider letting go of a relationship if you are happier apart.

Have you ever noticed couples who think each other’s habits are cute or endearing? Remember when you used to think that way? Do all the little things get on your nerves now? Do you wish you could change your partner? Have you started comparing them to other people you meet? These are all signs that you are unhappy with your relationship. This unhappiness will continue to grow into a breeding ground for depression and anxiety. If this is the case, letting go of a relationship may be the answer to your problems.

Are you afraid of being alone more than you are worried about letting go of a relationship? This fear of loneliness is a problem for many people. You must realize this way of thinking is harmful to you and unfair to your partner.

When you are considering letting go of a relationship, often all you can think of are the negative aspects such as the hurt and fear of loss. These are not good reasons to continue in a bad relationship. You might remember the love you used to share, but no matter how hard you try, you cannot wish it back. Sometimes hanging on is easier than facing the hurt that letting go of a relationship can bring. It’s important to remember that the pain of breaking up will heal. Your heart will survive.

Letting go of a relationship often makes a person feel like they have failed when actually it’s the first step toward healing. If you can find the courage to let go, then you allow yourself and your partner the chance to find healthier, happier relationships.

How do you develop a closer relationship with God?

This question is one most Believers today are asking. In this email, rush-around, hurry-I’m-late world, you have enough trouble keeping up with your friends. Nevertheless the God of the Universe, the Creator of all mankind, but a relationship, an intimate one at that, is what all people crave.

It’s that empty part of yourself that you are always trying to fill. The part that you try to fill with drugs, alcohol, love, success and being popular. No matter what you fill it with, there is still a hole. A big, gaping hole.

Maybe, like me, your relationship with your earthly Dad left a lot to be desired. Perhaps you’ve had a hard time relating to God as your Father because of it. Maybe you transfer your relationship with your Dad onto God and expect Him to be the same way. I know I’ve been there, done that too.

God is not like your earthly Dad. Perhaps your Dad abandoned you in your time of need. Maybe not physically but emotionally. God will never leave you. He will never forsake you. He will never turn you away when you need Him. He is not your earthly Dad, who didn’t have all the answers. He knows everything. He knows what you need before you need it.

God is more than your Father. He is your friend. Some children experience their Dads just as Dads, like me. Others, though, experience them as friends. They can tell their Dad anything. They know in the good and the bad, their Dad has their back.

The same is true for you, as a Believer. You can not only experience God as Daddy but as friend. You can share your most intimate secrets and feelings with Him, and He will never turn you away. He will never abandon you (Hebrews 13:5). There is nothing that you can say or do that will cause Him to stop loving you. He won’t be shocked or surprised by your actions. In His presence, you are safe. Safe from criticism. Free from fear. Free from ridicule.

How do you develop a closer relationship with God? How do you develop a closer relationship with a human being? No matter if they are your mother, your neighbor, your friend or a potential mate, if you want a closer relationship with them, you must spend time with them.

With my friends, I send them letters and cards to let them know I am thinking about them. We talk through email. Through each letter, I learn more about them as a person.

You cannot email or write letters to God and expect them to be deliver to Heaven in their physical form. Nor can you expect an email or letter back from God.

Instead you have something better. It’s called prayer. Yes, you must pray to the Father in Jesus’ Name (John 15:16) and pray according to God’s Will, the Bible (1 John 5:14). Other than that, prayer is just talking to God.

However if you were to talk with your friend, and they didn’t respond, it would be a very one-way conversation. That’s the way most people are with God. They do all the talking.

I make time every morning to fellowship with God. I speak His Word over my life. I pray and read the Word. Then I take Him with me throughout my day. I talk to Him when I have a problem, when I am frustrated, angry, whatever.

However, I make special time to listen to what He has to say. I learned early on that God speaks to me in restrooms–mine at home, in restaurants or whatever facilities I am in. It is our special place. It is where I listen to what He is speaking to my spirit, but it took practice to hear Him well.

Not only do you need to talk to God, but you need to listen as well. Then you will know what is on God’s heart concerning you. Through your communication, your conversations with him, you will get to know Him better. Then your relationship with Him won’t seem so one-sided.

Another way to become more intimate with God is through your praise, worship and thanksgiving.

Let’s take them one at a time:

Praise (Psalm 100:4). What is praise?

Lets say, your child receives straight A’s or catches the winning pass in the championship state football game, what would you do? You would praise your child, of course, with a “Good job, Sally” or a “Wow, Bobby, that was a great catch.”

When God does something spectacular in your life, though, do you acknowledge Him for what He has done?

Worship (Exodus 23:25). What is the difference between praise and worship? The churches categorize it by slow and fast music.

Praise, though, is acknowledging what God has done in your life. Worship is from the depths of your heart, focusing on Who God is. You acknowledge that He is your Healer (Isaiah 53:4-5, I Peter 2:24, III John 2). You acknowledge that He is your Peace (John 14:27). He is your every need fulfilled (Philippians 4:19).

God is God, and you must keep yourself in constant remembrance of Who He is rather than just what He does.

You don’t want to just be known as the guy who can make a jump shot or the girl who can multiply five numbers in her head in five seconds. You want people to get to know you for you. And so does God.

Thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:18). This is essential to changing your perspective, your attitudes and thoughts. You can look at a situation, such as getting a flat tire, as a negative experience. Or you can find one good aspect about it for which to be grateful. For instance, the tire could have blown and killed you.

You must discipline yourself to be grateful, to purposely find the good in every situation. Then you will become closer to God. You will have a better attitude, a better perspective.

If you want to have a closer relationship with God, you must spend time with Him. You have to listen to Him. You need to praise Him for what He’s done. You must worship Him for who He is and be grateful in every situation. This is how your relationship with God will grow and become more intimate.